You Don’t Need To Be Your Child’s Friend!

Young girls are a mystery whose personality keeps changing every day. I have an almost eight-year-old and lately, there have been so many instances when I felt like she’s already a teenager. The changes in adolescents are so subtle that it is easy to miss the changes if you don’t keep a close watch.

Moreover, it is getting difficult to shelter the young ones with increased exposure to social media, the internet, and television from a young age. As a mother, I want my daughter to be in sync with the changing times without being exposed to harsh realities, a price that goes hand-in-hand with modernity.

While my daughter may not have a social media account of her own, she expertly navigates content on my Facebook and Instagram handles. The International school that we are paying a steep amount to contributes to digital knowledge. She is taught to code, surf, and navigate the technical world while learning the nuances of Math and Science.  Undoubtedly, this is a necessity as kids today have to be experts in the virtual and the real world.

What can we do as parents, then?

We are torn in drawing a line between what is acceptable and what is not. Foremost, we have to ensure that the content they are exposed to on any devices is kid-safe.  The rising number of lurkers are just waiting for one slip to happen, to target young, naive daughters like ours every single day.  There is no greater task for us as parents than to raise kids who are self-reliant yet street-smart.

Before I became a parent, I had always assumed that I would be a cool mother. I intended to be a friend and a person in whom my child could confide.  Now, after becoming one, I realise the fine line that I seem to tread between being a mother and a friend. When I was young, I considered it to be an easy thing to accomplish especially if I have a daughter.

The rosy images of mother-daughter duos sharing make up, going on shopping escapades, and sharing a laugh as we walk hand-in-hand into the unknown seemed like a reality in the near future. What I didn’t realise then was that being a friend to your kid is easier said than done.

While I would love nothing more than giggles and shopping and having fun with my wonderful mini-me, I also find myself responsible for how she’s behaving in a social setting. As a parent, the way my child dresses up, talks, socializes and even ‘breathes’ is a direct reflection of the values I am teaching her.

The child is a direct reflection of the parent and you can never be your child’s friend no matter how much you desire and try.  In the beginning years, I had to parent my daughter to teach her right from wrong. And as she grew up, I was too ingrained in juggling all the roles. As was playing the good cop, the bad cop, the teacher, the driver, the doctor, the beautician, the chauffeur, that just being ‘her’ friend wasn’t an option.

Let Them Soar

The more I see my child spreading her wings, discovering herself, and entering the big world, I realise what I am doing is exactly what I am meant to be doing.  She has ample friends and what she needs is friends of her age group who play, learn and grow vicariously with each other.  She doesn’t need a 30-something woman who is her mother to be her friend because I can never switch off being a parent to truly be her friend.

Let us, as parents, go away with the guilt of trying to be multitaskers at everything. Most of the time, all we need to do is just be there. Be calm and happy hoping that this positivity and love will translate into raising happy and healthy children.